Every time we talk do you lie to me?

So finding an ex on the internet is never cool I guess, but when you find someone that you though was your friend and found our that they might have been lying to the whole time you've known them. Ironically enough someone had warned me about this, but I didn't believe them. Now I'm confused and semi hurt. I guess I do this to myself. I put faith in someone and get screwed over. I know now that even though it sucks to be alone, it hurts more to be with someone. I give.

Missy

Half a semester down....say what!?!?!

So I'm half way through the semester and well can you say drama filled? Life moves on I guess. Making one more attempt tomorrow to talk with her, cause I do miss my bestie...anyways on to the cool stuff about my life.

Let's see been hustled by like eight guys this semester which is fucked up!!! I hate men soo much sometimes. I don't understand it, it's like I have FUCKBUDDY tattooed to my forehead. It's whatever I guess. Almost got forced into sex as well by one of the dipshits!! Anyways hopefully new prospect will not be such as jackass or a waste. He is a good friend so hopefully I will be able to understand him a bit better.

School work has been a bitch and surprisingly enough I'm making all As except probably a B in Psych of Learning because of the test today.

Also trying out for the RA position!!! Hope I get it!! Find out the 19th! Besides that just working my two other jobs...you know normal shit

Wish my life was paid for...wish I could just focus on school and not work two jobs. Probably wouldn't be who I am today though so meh...

Enough for now though...Thomas is coming over :D:D:D:D:D:D

Missy

Life moves on........

So I'm able to control my thoughts and my feelings, but still my heart aches. I feel so emo at times writing this shit, but it happens I guess. I also feel like a middle school kid sometime, with all the guys that I'm trying to like, so I can find my Mr. Right.

Found someone kind of awesome, but I doubt he likes me, so I'm playing it safe in the friend zone. I'm just so sick of this zone.

In other news its cold! Fall is upon us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also I've found my inner writer finally. I have some inspiration to write, it feels good to do so. My brain has been so crazed lately, it feels good to get it out on paper.

Been working on my Directed Study some more, which makes me happy. Means I might actually get all this shit accomplished. Still a bitch to find information, but meh. I'll figure it out, I always do. Sadly I've been saying that a lot lately, about life. We will see if it's true soon I guess.

Can't go a day without thinking of you....

I'm soo tired right now, but I can't sleep once again. I want to be in his arms, I want to feel his touch and his kiss. I know most of its just from lust, but part of it, wants to see what could be.

Also my dreams are still haunted by Zonial, I can't believe it's been like three years since we were together and I still wonder if he ever thinks about me, the way I think about him.

Life moves on I guess, you learn to love others I guess. I don't know, call my old fashion, but I just want to find my match, my mate, my soul mate, and just be happy with that. I don't all this casual nonsense. I don't want to be called just a girlfriend. I want to be special in someones eyes.

Missy

Wow...is all that can be said

So my college semester so far has been anything but boring. I've been out doing something new or different almost every night! It's was fun, until I came down from my high and realized I'm broke and behind in my classes. So I've had to settle back into my old routine and now I'm scrambling for money to pay my bills. I want to say fuck my life, but there is no one else to blame but me, so I can't say it.

My diet was killed in the last two weeks, cause I'm a retarded person, but I hope to try and get back on to it. I want to be healthy, but it's so hard when your stuck in your ways. I grab a soda now again, just cause of habit! I need to kick my caffeine addiction again.

During my weeks of craziness, I met a really cool guy, but things are a bit rocky between us right now, cause I'm stupid again. I don't know how to explain my last two weeks, but all I know is it wasn't me, and it kind of scares me to look back on those weeks. I was reckless and careless and my consequences are minor compared to what they could have been. I just hope I can repair things between me and him, cause he is a sweetie.

Well I guess this is a huge update and I will try and be more consistent with my blog when I can.

☮Missy☮

Food for thought

That seems to be all I've been thinking about, is food! I'm been told that I'm super overweight and junk and I knew I was, but I guess hearing it from a doctor put it into perspective. I'm trying super hard to stick to some good term foods and such, but it's hard. I've only always known Southern Soul food.

So I'm trying to count calories, and it's pretty decent. It's not driving me insane, but not knowing what food is good for me is killing me. As well as a budget! OMG good food is expensive and that pisses me off so much. Also I've been three whole days without any soda, which is like a miracle for me pretty much. Hopefully I can make it through these headaches and shit. I'm allowing myself one glass of hot tea a day to help with the withdraws, but damn it hurts.

I'm kinda hoping that this whole diet thing will be a new chapter in my life. I want to be skinner sure, but I need to be healthier. Now if I can find time for the gym! lol I've been trying to do little things here at the dorm, but my bed is kinda stupid and every time I do sit-ups it squeaks, like something else <.<

Anyways also wanted to say THANK YOU to all my friends for the support so far!!!!

☮Missy☮

does it need a name

So I'm packed and ready to be in Pensacola. I got my hair chopped off and dyed and I have to say I love it. My last night at work was alright.....started out wonderful and ended on a really shitty note. Glad one person can do that too me, well actually two but you know what fuck it I guess.

I punched my steering wheel tonight several times and ran a stop sign, I think I'm a bit reckless when i get upset.

I'm going to get trashed tonight by the way for whoever reads this! I don't know what I am drinking but I am drinking. I want to be numb.

Missy

It's been awhile

How is everyone?!!? I'm doing super fantabulous. Yes that is a word, I looked it up on dictionary.com!!!! Anyways. I'll officially be back in Pensacola in like eight to nine days. Which isn't that far from now. I'm pretty much packed and ready, just a one less tot to pack up! Anyways hopefully I will be able to post on here more frequently, but I don't yet considering I will have two jobs!!!! McDonald's is McDonald's right now, not much to say about that place. Just tired of the drama and tired of giving it all I have and getting nothing in return.

So I thought I liked this guy...his name was Johnny and he has just got out of prison...so I decided not to like him anymore.

OMG I got molested in McDonald's by a co-worker. I like him and he is a good guy, but I don't like him like that and he pinned me against the wall and rubbed himself up on me and felt up my boobs. Weird enough I don't feel too violated by it, it was kinda expected. It was his last night at work and he is always trying me. I just ignore for the most part and well tonight he went super far, I don't know I guess he is just a horny 20yr old. I know I should probably be more concerned but frankly I know he would never like rape me, so meh.

Well this is turning out to be a really random scattered thought process post. I just wanted to post something though, cause I missed my Blog and I kept thinking about it.

Well night folks!

♥ Missy

Tampa, Mandy, new Facebook pictures, and writing to heal my heart

Oh my!

lol yeah I went there.

So if you haven't guessed I went to Tampa for the weekend!! I wish I could have stayed longer and visited more people, but time and money was limited. Oh well, at least I got to see some people and parts of the area. I miss it there so badly. I will also miss the 7-11's that are down there! I was addicted to Big Gulps while I was down there. I also got to see my best friend Mandy. I've known this chick since 4th grade and I hadn't seen her in about two years since last time, so I was happy.

Also I posted some new Facebook pictures, cause I figured out how to send them from my phone to Facebook. Also I have a few new ones on my camera that need to go up there and they will eventually. lol.

Also I am mending my heart with writing. No it's not my normal novel, but my own wishes and desires being written down , just cause I'm tired of living in reality. I do however know the difference, so don't worry. I promise not to go insane and start really believing my insane writings. Work on the novel shall commence soon. I've dabbled with it here and there, but I got to a part where I just want to make it perfect and I don't think it's that great right now. Also I need filler, so I can get to the main point of my book.

So on to world cup news. I was 50% right, I voted that the Netherlands would make it to the finals and they did. Spain made it as well and they won! I was really happy for Spain. I can't wait for the next world cup! Hopefully I'll be in a better situation and I can watch all of it, unlike this summer in which I had to catch a few games.

Well off to novel land again, be back in six hours maybe.

Peace Missy

waiting on time to move faster

Sooo a little fyi for those of you who don't know me super well, I'm super impatient. I hate waiting for anything, and i get so annoyed with it, so easily. Granted I have gotten better, but still I'm pretty bad. Anyways the whole reason I am up, is because a friend named Missy as well, has to go to get up for work at 4:30, and she wants me to call and make sure she wakes. Usually this would be no problem, what so ever. I'd get home around three, shower, surf the net and BAM it's 4:30, but tonight, I got out of work at 1:27, which means, I've been surfing the endless internet for about three hours and I'm bored and sleepy.

Anyways now that I've explained the reason behind this post, how is everyone :p. I will officially be on vacation for five days starting Thursday! I'm going to Tampa to see friends and family and I'm super excited because all I've been doing in btown is working :(

Haven't been able to see Eclipses yet, kind mad about that, but at the same time not worried, cause the first two movies SUCKED. Well it's almost 4:30 now and I have a decent post here, so I shall sign off.

Alright World Cup news: In the semi-finals we have: Germany vs. Spain and Netherlands vs.Uruguay. My vote is on Germany and the Netherlands, just cause I think that would be an awesome final match, but then again Uruguay has some strong players :)

Long nights and random thoughts

So had to work again tonight. I will be working for the next five nights in a row :( but at the same time work isn't bad as long as I don't have to deal with the people. My co-workers are cool. Like tonight, me, a co-worker, and my manager climbed on the roof the building and waved to passing cars. It was pretty random, but fun.

Anyways I will be heading to Tampa in about a week! I'm soooo excited I can hardly wait! It's only going to be for a weekend, which pretty much blows but its Tampa!

I started to really get into my new book 'the child thief' and well I have to say it's amazing so far, I'm very pleased. As for my novel, I'm at a small hump in my road. It's sex scene time and well I wanna do it proper, cause this novel has been my brain child for quite a well now, besides my psychology research. I tired to write some last night, but right now it's at a stand still, mainly cause I'm so tired when I get home from work, that I don't wanna think about anything.

So I started to tally up and figure out my schedule for next semester and well I'm pretty much going to be living off Red Bull and crackers lol. I have four (maybe five) classes, I dunno if my research will count as a class or not, but how Rotunda talked it will. I have my work study program to do at least 10-15 hours a week and then I have my other job which is 15-20 hours a week, Plus homework, plus laundry, plus a social life. Yeah i'm pretty much exceeding my 24 hr/ 7 days a week deal. My work week will be 52 hrs/10 days ROFL. I'm not complaining though, I'm actually pretty excited to see if I can pull it off. Also its my goal to make it to the gym four days a week starting this fall!

Well I've written enough of my random thoughts for the night, I'm going to go crash now............

Missy

It's official I'm a Hopeless Romantic!

No folks this isn't a good thing. I hate it! I'm so sick of thinking prince charming is going to find me one day and take me off to paradise and everything will be great. I do this to my damn self all the time and I'm so sick of trusting people. I just don't understand why it has to be me! Why can't I find someone to love me? I don't ask for much, just little things. Have some goals, be semi intelligent, likes to laugh and have a good time, but can be serious at the same time. I just don't understand why i have to be 'the friend' I hate it.

I know I'm only 21 but for the first time, I'm scared that I'm not going to find a Mr. anything. I see my friends and they have either boyfriends or hell some have husbands and kids, and all I've got one man im in love with, yet I can't get the time of day from. Another who is a stupid regret and a third who wants me to quit school and be with him and have eight kids. I want a man that will accept me for me...I know I'm not perfect and I know I'm stubborn, can get an attitude, but really I'm simple, really I wanna just live my life how it comes to me. I don't like this hand of cards anymore. I want a new deal.

And now since I've cried my eyes out and ranted....on to other things such as a new tattoo. I like the idea and all, but it will be the biggest tattoo I have and lots of color. I dunno if it will be trashy looking or not. I hope not.

Below is a picture of where I got the idea from. I want to change a few things and add color:

I think the idea is cute and all, I dunno. Let me know what you all think :)

Missy

Confuzzled

Yep there is that word! Alright so I've been working super uber tooo much! But Im getting a nice big fat check soon, so its all good. The reason for the word is well a guy, his name is Travis and well he is my manager >_<'' I think I like him and at the same time I think I'm spending so much time with him, thats why I feel like I like him. I dunno, its really weird, he is nice but at the same time a jerk. I don't know what to do. Anyways I'm going to crash cause I have to call the school tomorrow and ask them questions about my work study program!

~peace~

Missy

Quick late night post

Well it's three am and I'm wide awake like usually. Didn't have to work tonight, but I slept most the day. Anyways I've officially influenced someone on getting a tattoo!!!! Tomorrow I will be getting up early and going to take care of some errands and eating lunch with my mom and our friend.

I got a lot accomplished tonight, by emailing my professors about a idea for research. Now I just need to call the health center on campus and get a prescription refilled! The work of me never ends. Well I guess this is the end of this really really short post. Not much to say sadly :(

Missy

Father's Day and spending some time with the little bro

So it's been father's day for four hours now. I know I've been thinking about my dad a bunch lately. He will be missed of course like every year. He was the best dad ever and still is.

Anyways been home since like 1:30 and since like 2, my little bro has been chilling with me for some strange reason. I think he don't wanna go to bed, but dang he is only 12, he needs his rest. He plays a lot of Modern Warfare. I don't think he should play it, but what's my mom supposed to do, ban him from it, so he will drive her up a wall? Anyways I have today(Sunday) off. Probably going to sleep and work on my novel..than working 11-3 on Monday. They trying to screw with me, working me in the am like that!!!

I don't know if I aggravated a friend or not. I haven't spoke to her in a few days and I feel pretty bad, cause I mean I don't want our friendship to be over or anything. Anyways going to get off here..finish up my Restaurant City game...and play another Room Escape game with the little bro, before I make him go to bed, so I can work on my novel for at least twenty minutes.

Also no News tonight, cause I'm being lazy and haven't checked Yahoo for any news.

Peace!

Missy

Didn't get any reading done, but I got some writing done

So today(Wednesday) was my day off and pay day, too bad that I slept through the day and my whole paycheck is going to my car payment. Anyways I have today (Thursday) off as well and I probably won't do too much of anything which is exactly how I like my days. My shoulder is still killing me from the shot and my finger is pretty much still purple. I can't get any good pictures of the glue which is aggravating, but I do have the picture of the area I cut it at. I will work on a finger picture :)

So its 4am and I feel pretty damn productive. I just wrote out about three pages in my novel and I know it don't sound like a lot but to me, it's a lot considering I don't have much time these days. I wanna go to sleep but part of me either wants to keep writing or start reading a book. Oh also I saw Splice tonight. I watched it online and well the quality was decent but the movie it self was kinda crummy. I mean the twists were wonderful! still though it wasn't as good as I wanted it to be. Well I can't stop yawning now, so I guess I will try and sleep some.

Random news: BP CEO telling congress that he is devastated about the spill.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100617/ap_on_bi_ge/us_gulf_oil_spill

Oh really glad to hear your devastated...this spill really aggravates me not only because of the destruction it is causing, but because it is preventing our country to take any big future steps to other decisions, because all power is being resorted to the spill it seems.

Missy

2am trip to the emergency room

So I got off work around 1:20, because well I sliced open my finger! I was attempting to make mop water and because someone broke the hose, I lifted the bucket up to the sink to fill the bucket and BAM! I sliced my finger on the metal plate that surrounds the mop sink. So I finished my job up and came home to my mommy and asked her if I should go to the hospital. I drove there and they super glued my finger back together cause it was deep enough to cause problems, but not big enough to stitch. Afterwards I got a nice Tetanus shot in the arm! Yay me!

So the only small upside to this is I can't do dishes at work for about a week! Anyways hopefully I'm about to go to sleep, cause my dang arm is starting to hurt mighty bad, where I got the shot.

Missy

work.... power coke...and my bestie

So your all probably wondering what the hell power-coke is...no it's not a drug, its a drink! And it's perfectly legal in all fifty states haha. Basically its coca-cola and powerade. Its pretty tasty actually, but it looks funny. Anyways its a good drink and you should try it.

Also I'm on my fourth night of my five week schedule so that means that tonight, Friday night will be my last day of work till Tuesday. Thank you Jesus. Yes I'm bring Jesus into my post, because thats how I roll.

If you haven't guessed I'm pretty hyper right now and pretty insomniac-ish <------Not a word I know. Anyways, update from the other night, I am not going to be with either of those jerk-wad men..well lets call them boys..cause I'm angry with them. I had another gentleman ask me out and we've tired dating before and I've decided not to date him, just to stay friends, cause things get awkward with us. So I'm still single..all hot young Latin men..lol

Let's see, I've been itching to write some more of my Vampire novel, but I'm kinda at a point where the story is an iffy filler of time so I don't know. Cause the exciting part is just about to start....haha. Laura I will officially email you a copy asap now, cause I know I'll get an text asking for it.

Anyways enough of the rambles of this inside of my mind. News of the day(something new I started) I read on yahoo that the oil in the gulf is leaking out at a rate of twice as much as predicted. Thanks BP.

Missy

It's been a couple of days

Alright so I've been sorta busy with work and such and trying to hang out with friends. Also on top of that..I've got two guys chatting me up. I don't know what to do either.

The first guy is super cute, pretty sweet, but all he wants is to be friends with benefits.

The second guy he is alright looking, very sweet, and I found out tonight that if I wasn't moving back to Pensacola in the fall he would be with me, but because of that, he said "whatever happen happens" which means that yeah I'd like to have a one night stand with you.

Both situations piss me off, because I am so fucking sick of being that chick that guys turn to, to have a good time! One I'm not a fucking whore, two I have feelings as well, and three why can't I just meet a guy who likes me and I like back. Don't get me wrong I've had my fair share of crazies who like me, and I couldn't even make myself like.

Alright on top of that I'm worried about my bills and shit this month and I feel super guilty cause I don't know if I'm going to be able to help my mom out any on her bills this month cause of my lack of funding. It's not like I'm not working either, I'm working super hard, but the money is not flowing in like it needs too.

Well I don't know I guess I ranted enough, not like anyone reads this shit anyways.

Missy

America

Alright, well I'm officially sick to my stomach, from the lack of intelligence so many American's have. I was reading an article on Yahoo, and I decided why don't I look at the comments to see what my fellow American's have to say. I have to say I'm scared for America, not because of it's government but because of its people.

I understand people have their opinions and thats great, but please back up your opinions with some kinda of data or research. Don't make stupid statements like 'oh it's from China, no wonder it's making us sick' okay 1, the article says USA made, 2 not everything from China makes us sick, 3 we have to import and export or else our country would die and it would be because people think exporting and importing is 'evil'. Do you people not remember history class? American's can not survive on our own without the help of exports and imports, no country can, well at least no industrialized country.

I just realized that its like 5 in the morning, if I continue to write anymore, I will be here all morning, so I shall make this short and brief. America please pick up a book! Stop eating 3000 calories a day and learn to accept that we are not the best country in the world. We can be....but to do so we HAVE to become more friendlier with our neighbors.

work..sleepless nights..and a hot guy that might be gay.....

Yep thats right!!!

So my work schedule just got a whole hell of a bit bigger, not that I'm complaining, money is money! Still not sleeping at night is starting to get to be a problem and well here I am wide awake at 4am...chatting with a super hot Latin man from my college, yet he may be gay!!!!!!!!!

I met him at my college my first semester and well I didn't think much, we had one class together and well the next semester he starts chatting with me at my work place..I return the conversation and then I realize he is extremely hot! So I find excuses to talk to this boy and well now that I've known him for a bit....I think he might bat for the other team. I mean I got nothing wrong with gays or lesbians, but dang can't a girl catch a break with someone! I mean he says he has been with girls, but some of the things he does! Meh I don't care...well I do, but also he is a tad younger than me and I usually on date older guys..like a year or two.

Anyways yeah I'm totally addicted to this Facebook game called, My Empire....I hate Playfish sometimes....but meh. Well I guess I'll go, since I'm done ranting about my hot Puerto Rican guy..I hope he is not gay!

I'm 21

Well it's 2 hours late but I am officially 21 years old. How did I spend my first 2 hrs as being 21? I watch Shrek forever, bootlegged. Gotta love the internet.

Today I will probably spend half the day getting ready for my birthday dinner even though it's a simple small dinner with a few friends. I don't know maybe things will turn out more exciting than planned!

Tonights post is going to be short mainly cause I have no idea what to write. haha. Oh watched a bunch of cake boss today, and that was pretty much my day. I can't wait till I get my first paycheck. I know like 90% is going to bills, but maybe that 10% will be enough to go out for lunch or something fun.

Well tata for now.

Late night movies and insomia

So crappy cheap films on Syfy and the Lifetime Movie Network, I can't decide between fake creatures killing humans in a gory fashion or a murder love trial movie on LMN. Both are pretty lame to be honest, but the murder love trial movie is kinda weird.

I also thought today was my birthday, but it's not, I'm a day early. I was kind of excited for like ten seconds but then I realized that I was totally wrong. Here I thought I wasn't excited about my birthday at all, and I secretly realized I was.

Today kinda sucked though, I got in an argument with a really good friend about camping. I'm just not the camping type, I'm not outdoorsy at all. I didn't really go camping when I was younger, my extent of outdoorsyness was going fishing for a day, wearing a life jacket and following all the rules. I don't know I feel bad for telling my friend that I wasn't going, but to be honest I would have been miserable the whole time. I just hope this doesn't hurt our friendship any cause I do care for her as a good friend.

Wow, my LMN movie just took a really huge twist!

Anyways back to my friend, to be honest I just hope she has a good time and that's all that matters to me, even if I wasn't there to have a good time with her.

Alright folks well I do believe I am done with my ramblings for the night.

Missy

And three hours later

Alright so I had this dream, to have a beautiful, wonderful, and random blog background...and it didn't happen. Needless to say, I've spent probably two hours now trying to fix this problem, but I guess it just wasn't meant to be, until I talk to my wonderful friend Jenn who can fix anything!!!

Anyways I figured I should probably make my first post since I just spent all that time trying to make it prettyful. So let's see, it's currently 4:12am and I'm not wide awake, but I'm not sleepy either. I'm hungry though...hmm might be making a sandwich is a minute, but anyways!I spent the night at work, driving my mom and her friends around, and then I went and watched some friends play cards. Overall this was a decent night for me. So my birthday is in like a day in a half and to be honest I'm not all that excited about it. I'll be 21 big whoop, I've been paying my bills and acting like an adult since I was 17-18. I don't know maybe it will turn out better than I think it will, who knows. Wow, well for the first time in a long time, my mind is pretty blank on what to write. I usually want to write up a storm and ramble about everything and anything, but I don't know..I guess I want this blog to actually be something special.

Maybe a small introduction of what you can expect in this blog. For one you will see pictures, two you will read my rambles, my conspiracy theories, my drunken raves, my ideas and thoughts, thirdly you will learn about my life lesson, my morals, my friends and family, and fourthly you will be entertained.