Every time we talk do you lie to me?

So finding an ex on the internet is never cool I guess, but when you find someone that you though was your friend and found our that they might have been lying to the whole time you've known them. Ironically enough someone had warned me about this, but I didn't believe them. Now I'm confused and semi hurt. I guess I do this to myself. I put faith in someone and get screwed over. I know now that even though it sucks to be alone, it hurts more to be with someone. I give.

Missy

Half a semester down....say what!?!?!

So I'm half way through the semester and well can you say drama filled? Life moves on I guess. Making one more attempt tomorrow to talk with her, cause I do miss my bestie...anyways on to the cool stuff about my life.

Let's see been hustled by like eight guys this semester which is fucked up!!! I hate men soo much sometimes. I don't understand it, it's like I have FUCKBUDDY tattooed to my forehead. It's whatever I guess. Almost got forced into sex as well by one of the dipshits!! Anyways hopefully new prospect will not be such as jackass or a waste. He is a good friend so hopefully I will be able to understand him a bit better.

School work has been a bitch and surprisingly enough I'm making all As except probably a B in Psych of Learning because of the test today.

Also trying out for the RA position!!! Hope I get it!! Find out the 19th! Besides that just working my two other jobs...you know normal shit

Wish my life was paid for...wish I could just focus on school and not work two jobs. Probably wouldn't be who I am today though so meh...

Enough for now though...Thomas is coming over :D:D:D:D:D:D

Missy

Life moves on........

So I'm able to control my thoughts and my feelings, but still my heart aches. I feel so emo at times writing this shit, but it happens I guess. I also feel like a middle school kid sometime, with all the guys that I'm trying to like, so I can find my Mr. Right.

Found someone kind of awesome, but I doubt he likes me, so I'm playing it safe in the friend zone. I'm just so sick of this zone.

In other news its cold! Fall is upon us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also I've found my inner writer finally. I have some inspiration to write, it feels good to do so. My brain has been so crazed lately, it feels good to get it out on paper.

Been working on my Directed Study some more, which makes me happy. Means I might actually get all this shit accomplished. Still a bitch to find information, but meh. I'll figure it out, I always do. Sadly I've been saying that a lot lately, about life. We will see if it's true soon I guess.

Can't go a day without thinking of you....

I'm soo tired right now, but I can't sleep once again. I want to be in his arms, I want to feel his touch and his kiss. I know most of its just from lust, but part of it, wants to see what could be.

Also my dreams are still haunted by Zonial, I can't believe it's been like three years since we were together and I still wonder if he ever thinks about me, the way I think about him.

Life moves on I guess, you learn to love others I guess. I don't know, call my old fashion, but I just want to find my match, my mate, my soul mate, and just be happy with that. I don't all this casual nonsense. I don't want to be called just a girlfriend. I want to be special in someones eyes.

Missy

Wow...is all that can be said

So my college semester so far has been anything but boring. I've been out doing something new or different almost every night! It's was fun, until I came down from my high and realized I'm broke and behind in my classes. So I've had to settle back into my old routine and now I'm scrambling for money to pay my bills. I want to say fuck my life, but there is no one else to blame but me, so I can't say it.

My diet was killed in the last two weeks, cause I'm a retarded person, but I hope to try and get back on to it. I want to be healthy, but it's so hard when your stuck in your ways. I grab a soda now again, just cause of habit! I need to kick my caffeine addiction again.

During my weeks of craziness, I met a really cool guy, but things are a bit rocky between us right now, cause I'm stupid again. I don't know how to explain my last two weeks, but all I know is it wasn't me, and it kind of scares me to look back on those weeks. I was reckless and careless and my consequences are minor compared to what they could have been. I just hope I can repair things between me and him, cause he is a sweetie.

Well I guess this is a huge update and I will try and be more consistent with my blog when I can.

☮Missy☮

Food for thought

That seems to be all I've been thinking about, is food! I'm been told that I'm super overweight and junk and I knew I was, but I guess hearing it from a doctor put it into perspective. I'm trying super hard to stick to some good term foods and such, but it's hard. I've only always known Southern Soul food.

So I'm trying to count calories, and it's pretty decent. It's not driving me insane, but not knowing what food is good for me is killing me. As well as a budget! OMG good food is expensive and that pisses me off so much. Also I've been three whole days without any soda, which is like a miracle for me pretty much. Hopefully I can make it through these headaches and shit. I'm allowing myself one glass of hot tea a day to help with the withdraws, but damn it hurts.

I'm kinda hoping that this whole diet thing will be a new chapter in my life. I want to be skinner sure, but I need to be healthier. Now if I can find time for the gym! lol I've been trying to do little things here at the dorm, but my bed is kinda stupid and every time I do sit-ups it squeaks, like something else <.<

Anyways also wanted to say THANK YOU to all my friends for the support so far!!!!

☮Missy☮

does it need a name

So I'm packed and ready to be in Pensacola. I got my hair chopped off and dyed and I have to say I love it. My last night at work was alright.....started out wonderful and ended on a really shitty note. Glad one person can do that too me, well actually two but you know what fuck it I guess.

I punched my steering wheel tonight several times and ran a stop sign, I think I'm a bit reckless when i get upset.

I'm going to get trashed tonight by the way for whoever reads this! I don't know what I am drinking but I am drinking. I want to be numb.

Missy